Posts tagged ‘England’

Broked

I think I’ve finally broken under all the stress of the last three years, and this visa application is what pushed me  too much. I don’t even know how to feel right now, other than vaguely sick. I’m trying to turn my mind off so I don’t think or feel.

I submitted my visa application on Monday. Took it to the mailing place and shipped it UPS next day air. It arrived at the British consulate in New York at 10:12 yesterday morning, signed for by Blythe in the mail room. I received an e-mail later that day saying it had reached the UK Border Agency and that I would get another e-mail when an ECO (decision makers) was reviewing it and another when then decision was made.

I spent all Monday night tossing and turning because I couldn’t stop obsessing over my application and trying to think if I’d done anything wrong. I ended up waking up far too early because I did, in fact, think of something I’d done wrong. All in all, what I realised I hadn’t done right was only a very minor mistake and not something anyone thinks they would refuse a visa over.

However, I didn’t make any mistakes like that last time. And I’ve been making a lot of stupid mistakes in recent months, so I was now even more concerned that I’d fucked up something else, something far more important. Usually, I have these concerns, and they’re unfounded. Just me worrying and obsessing. This time, however?

Yeah, I did fuck up something more important than a fill-in-the-blank box on an appendix sheet. The dread started to choke me last night as I tried to sleep, and I had to get up to check.

I left off one of my trips to the UK in the immigration history field. We left the UK to go to the Star Trek convention in Las Vegas last August and then came back. You don’t have to give trips back to your own country, but you are supposed to list any that come to the UK (or any other foreign-for-you country).

Now, that may not sound important to you, but to an ECO… if that ECO thinks you left that off on purpose or are potentially trying to lie about it (they can and do check that field with their files on you), not only can your visa get automatically denied, but you can get banned from the country, possibly permanently but the usual term is for 10 years.

As we all know, governments are not particularly known for being fuzzy, warm, kind souls who make allowances for things like human error or who assume the best of people. That is why I’m worried/scared shitless. Besides hopefully getting a kind ECO who will think I didn’t intentionally leave that off, the only other thing I think might save me is the fact I listed 01/09/09 – 30/10/10 as my “in the UK for study” trip. I have the time listed on that sheet, I just forgot the Vegas trip.

I can’t even cry over this, though I’ve come close. I don’t have the emotional energy left. I hope I’m making this all bigger than it is, a mountain out of a molehill, but I have no hope left and I’ve seen stories of others being denied for stupid things, too, things similar to this.

Whether wonderful news or devastating news, I should have the decision by the end of the week. Hopefully I’ll survive the wait.

Advertisements

Hello world!

I can’t be bothered to change the default title of the first post. I am that lazy, yes, and uncreative. But, to be fair, I have my excuses, this time. I sent Dom off to England today. We won’t see each other for seven months, missing our first wedding anniversary together, among other things. I’m hoping I’ll be able to save up enough money to fly out to see him over Spring Break in April, but neither of us are holding our breaths.

I really miss home.  Last night, I could barely keep myself from crying because I miss practically everything about it. I miss the chippy, I miss the graveyard, I miss the church, I miss the shops and the town, I miss the trains, the Underground, the accents, the food, the smells, the climate – everything. I was always told by fdad that I needed a climate with a very narrow range, because I’m really only comfortable at like 76F, and England pretty much fits that bill. It does get cooler in winter, of course, but I’d rather have cold, especially with the prospect of snow, than hot, and most of the year England is just my temperature.

I was supposed to be going home with Dom today, and that thought was the only thing getting me through these last few months. Now I don’t have that. I have to convince myself to somehow be okay with being here and alone for the next seven months, not three months, but seven. I still don’t know what will help me carry myself through this. I miss home so much, and I really just want some stability. My life has rarely been stable. France is still on board, though, so that just might be what helps me through. With any luck, Dom will be six months pregnant by the time I get home. If that’s the case, that’s quite obviously what I’ll be working towards. I’d do anything for any child of mine, biological or not, and I have to be responsible, more so if there’s a baby depending on me (and ze’s mother/father/etc).

I know, I know, I should probably back up. No one knows the story of me and my (sometimes unfortunately) unique little family. Have no worries, all will become clear. For this blog, to stave off my loneliness and pass time, I plan to go back and do posts concerning my history, my relationship with Dom, and most things in between. I hope to be posting every day until I’ve covered the past, and after that, we’ll just see how well I can keep it up. It is one of my New Year’s Resolutions to keep up a blog/journal/diary, so I’m going to give it my best shot.

Welcome to my blog! I hope you stick around, and I hope I get to know some of you out there in BlogLand.