This is my letter to my Dad asking him to adopt me back. If anyone has any critiques, please let me know!
Dear Dad,
I’m writing to you today about something that is very important and emotional for me. It’s very difficult, and you know what I’m like when it comes to talking about important things. I’m trying to get better at it. It’s a long process. I hope you’ll really think about it and won’t say no outright. I hope you don’t say no at all, but I know it’s a possibility.
Anyway.
There’s two reasons behind my request. Firstly, I don’t know how much of my facebook postings you’ve seen, but you might have seen various postings about birth certificates and how much I don’t like that mine’s been changed or that I have to ask for permission to get the original version.
It makes feel really sad to think that I could die without ever having a correct version of my birth certificate that is also a legal copy. I want my descendants, should I have any, to be able to access their accurate genealogy. I want to see you listed on my birth certificate as my father, because you are my father.
I love my adoptive parents. I think you know that. And this has nothing to do with them. No matter what the legal documents say, they raised me, and that’s not insignificant. But, no matter what, they aren’t my mother and father. I’ve actually never thought of them as that. Mom and Dad, yes; mother and father, no. Those roles/titles have always belonged to you and A.
Secondly, but definitely not less important, meeting you was the best thing to ever happen to me. I don’t think I ever properly thanked you for everything you did for me. Not just the things you know you did, like selling your house and quitting your job, but for the other things. I still remember you sitting with me out by the river before one of my classes because I was really nervous and talking to me about it. Meeting you and knowing you did more to heal some of my anxieties than anything else. I see myself in you, and it’s truly powerful. And very hard to explain everything it means.
I can’t even imagine going on as I was at 16 for years and years. I credit you for the vast increases in my self-confidence and decreases in my anxiety. Thank you very much. For everything.
What I want to ask is this: I really want to formalise our relationship. I know by blood, genetically, that I’ll always be your daughter, you’ll always be my father, and our descendants will always be, well, our descendants, but… I’d like you to legally be my father again, so that everyone will know. Would you be willing to adopt me?
Please think about it. I would really, really love it if you said yes. If you have any hesitations or concerns, I’m willing to talk about it.
Love your daughter,
9 responses to “Looking for feedback on my letter to my Dad”
eagoodlife
January 21st, 2014 at 20:32
Just a basic question – is it legally possible for you to be adopted by your father?
Cate
January 21st, 2014 at 23:58
As vampporcupine said, yes. 45 states in the US allow adult adoption. One of the few reasons I’m glad I’m American and not British, lol, as I don’t think it’s allowed in the UK.
vampporcupine
January 21st, 2014 at 21:15
As an adult, she can be adopted by whomever she chooses. It can be either a single person or a couple that adopt her.
I understand your thought process but you have to remember that being adopted by your natural family (and yes I am totally for this) will also mean severing any filiation you have with your adopters. This means that any financial gains or burdens that result as being deemed their legal descendant will cease. Yes, I understand that bringing that into the equation sounds greedy but it is reality. I want you to make sure you have looked at the legal ramifications that would directly affect you before doing this.
I would take out the second paragraph that consists of one word. Why do you elude to the response as being negative? Has he given indication that you would expect his response to be no? If not, I would reword this into a more positive letter without going over the top with him feeling pressured into saying yes.
Cate
January 21st, 2014 at 23:57
All things considered, with my amom dead and me being the only child of my dad, not to mention the BC thing that is something that really, really gets to me, I’d much rather be legally related to my Dad. 🙂
Thank you for the critique. I don’t think he’s spoken much about my adoption at all. He thinks it would’ve been a disaster/impossible for him and/or my Mom to have raised me. So I honestly have no idea what his reaction will be. I guess it’s the pessimist in me expecting it to be negative.
vampporcupine
January 22nd, 2014 at 00:38
It sounds like you two have a lovely relationship. I think if you could spin it less tentatively, it would work well for you.
I think it’s hard for us to believe that we were worthy of our lost children. If we acknowledge that we were worthy to raise our child, it makes the reality all the more tragic.
Best of luck 🙂
teddy1975
January 22nd, 2014 at 09:08
Adopting back is nice, but have you looked at the possibilities you may have to annul your adoption? If available that is a more elegant solution, and it may be easier to sell to your adoptives that it’s not them, but the (by you) undesired and unrequested change of identity and the resulting discrimination by certain jurisdictions you have a problem with.
Cate
January 22nd, 2014 at 10:48
I don’t think there is any option. There was no fraud or anything else, and, so far as I know, annuling has only been done by one person in the States, and he could prove there was fraud with the official documents given to him. I don’t have that. I also have no money and don’t live in the country of my birth/adoption.
I wish I could annul it, though, as then I would have both of my parents on my BC, which is what I really want. But I just don’t think it’s possible given my circumstances.
If I was in Canada, though, I totally would do that. 🙂
vampporcupine
January 29th, 2014 at 23:24
So? Did you send the letter?
Cate
February 12th, 2014 at 23:36
No, not yet.